Would You Still Have Gone?
by lostinthewords
Summary: "The fear of losing someone you love makes the truth come out"


"Hey dad?" Jason called out as he approached his parent's bathroom door. He knocked, the door swung open just enough to give Jason a peek inside. His eyes trained on the red stitched up wound on his ankle. Jason rolled his eyes to cover up the fear that ran through him, _car accident my ass_.

"Uh one second. I'll be right out." Henry called out.

Jason paced around the room, he knew what the wound was. His dad had been _shot_. How would they keep this from him? He knew his mom wasn't allowed to disclose all the details about her job to the family and look what happened 2 years ago. As much as they tried they were really bad about covering his dad's secret job. He's had more last minute "conferences" since they've moved and they knew about the classified briefs he always had to read. He wasn't a fan of the secrecy but he went with it. Mostly because he didn't have a choice. Not that he would ever admit but it was actually kind of cool having parents in the spy business. It was like his dad lived a video game. But tonight was reminder that life wasn't a video game.

He stopped pacing when the door opened. "Hey bud, what do you need?"

"Were you ever going to tell me you were shot?" His question startled himself as much as Henry.

Henry studied Jason, looking to see if he knew or just guessing. The hard lines of his mouth, and the fear in his eyes told him his son knew the truth he wasn't just guessing.

"No."

Jason scoffed and shook his head. "Honesty, how refreshing."

"You know government work is part of my job at the war college."

"Government work doesn't mean getting shot at." Jason turned away and walked out the door.

Henry collapsed on the bed, his head buried in his hands. How was he going to handle this one?

* * *

Elizabeth came home to a silent house, which was unusual for this hour. "Hello? Anyone home?"

She followed the grunt of acknowledgement, expecting to find Jason absorbed in a video game but instead found Henry laying on the couch with a book face down on his chest and lost in thought.

She kissed the toes of his injured foot, "Where are the kids?"

"Stevie's with Jareth, Alison's at a study group and Jason's locked away in his room." Elizabeth stared at him expecting him explain and prompted when he didn't. "He's mad at us for lying about me being shot."

Elizabeth gaped at him, "Henry?"

He told her about the confrontation with their son. "I don't know what to do. He won't listen to me."

She squeezed his shoulder, "let me talk to him."

She knew what her son was going through. He was scared just like she was when she first heard Henry had been shot and every day before since the he joined the NSA. He's okay now but every time he went into the field her stomach turned to knots, it happened when he went to Desert Storm, into the cult and all the other times since. She also knew what it was like to lose a parent at his age. The difference being she lost hers suddenly so she didn't have to live with that fear every day at his age.

"Go away dad," Jason called out when Elizabeth knocked on his door.

"It's mom."

"Oh, come in."

She closed the door behind her and sat at the foot of his bed.

He didn't look at her, "You talked to dad?"

"He let me know you've been read in. I know you hate the bureaucratic system and are convinced it's filled conspiracies but you have some real potential in a career in trade craft." She waited for the sarcastic remark that was coming but it never came. "You could be the one to join the family business." She prodded again but still no response.

"I don't want to talk to about it."

She studied her son. He tried to act like he was angry, his jaw tight and fists clenched but his eyes betrayed him. Deep down he was that scared little boy who climbed into her bed after a nightmare.

"Then just listen. I know how hard it is to lose a parent at your age, I also know the fear you're feeling right now. I feel it too everyday he goes to work. It may not be as strong but it's always there in the back of my mind."

"How do you live with it?"

"I talk to your dad about it; it helps getting it off my chest. I also remind myself he's scared too. He would never purposefully put himself in danger and neither would I."

Jason scoffed, "You mean like when you went to Iran or he ran back into the dirty bomb."

"I never said we were great at it."

He pushed his sleeves up, trying to remain calm but his anger boiled just below the surface. "Why does he have to do all the secret stuff we pretend not to know about? What happened to him being just a professor?"

"I'm not a fan of it either, but it's part of who he is. He's always been one to help people and sometimes that means putting himself on the line. He did it as marine and it's why he went to save the people from the bomb."

"But he's not a marine anymore and he didn't have us." He said, admitting what really scared him.

"You're right. I remind him of that all the time. Look Jase, I don't have all the answers but I'm sure he'd talk to you about this when you're ready."

* * *

Jason radiated anger all through dinner. Eating only the bare minimum before heading up to his room after mumbling something about finishing homework.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, he just has homework."

"Wow, must be serious."

"It's nothing Alison. Don't you have homework to finish too?"

She held up her hands, "Fine, I'll drop it."

Henry didn't move from the table; he was at a loss for what to do about Jason. He heard Elizabeth when she told him he wasn't angry as so much as scared. That was a knife to the heart, the last thing he ever wanted to do was cause his kids fear. He wanted to assuage Jason's worries. He thought of the fear he felt when he almost lost Elizabeth in Iran, the fear he felt in Desert Storm, he understood where his son was coming from. It was half the reason they lied in the first place. But he wasn't sure he would be able to put his mind at ease; he was still scared every time Elizabeth flew into a country on the brink of war. He knew the only way it to get rid of it was for her to quit. He couldn't tell Jason he would do that. Too much was at risk for him to even entertain that idea right now.

Elizabeth walked behind her husband after clearing the dishes, her hands rubbing his shoulders. "Talk to him babe, I think he's ready to listen."

"He is?"

"Well, you may have to nudge him a bit but he needs it." She kissed the top of his head, "You both do."

Jason came down a few minutes later. "You wanted to talk?" He stood across the room from his father, arms crossed and staring at him, daring him to make the first move.

Henry decided to jump right into it, no use in beating around the bush. "You have every right to be pissed but in this family we talk to each other. So, if you need to yell at me then yell at me."

"Fine you want to know; I'm pissed at you. How can you be so selfish to put yourself in that situation! We almost lost mom in Iran, you lived through that; how could you come close to putting us through something like that again?"

Jason physically deflated after finally speaking his mind. His mom was right it felt good to get it off his chest.

Henry's heart sliced open, he didn't realize the scar Iran left on their family. "I am sorry; I can't tell you much. I know that's not enough but I will tell you I had no reason to believe that this-" he gestured to his legs "-was a possibility."

Jason stared directly into his eyes, "If you did would you still have gone?"

Henry didn't answer. He couldn't lie to him, not again, not after everything that had happened that day.

His silence told Jason everything he needed to know. "Why do you have this need to put yourself at risk for others?"

"I can give you so many reasons. Ultimately, it's about doing the right thing and helping others."

"What about doing right by us? How is you putting your life on the line helping us?" Why wasn't his father getting this? It wasn't that hard to understand. If he could understand ancient philosophers and ethics why couldn't he understand his position?

"I do what I do to keep you all safe, to make the world a safer place for my family."

"What's the point of a safer world if it means living without you?"

"I know you don't understand it, you won't until you're a father. But I think you understand a little more than you realize."

He scoffed, "What could possibly make you think that?"

"You feel the need to protect this family too. When that picture of Stevie was released and you wanted to punch the guys who were talking about it? Or how about when you punched that Preston kid for talking about mom? Or when you vandalized Thad's car for what he said about Alison?"

Jason's prepared quip died on his tongue. Damn, his dad had a point.

Henry took his son's silent as agreement. "I'm not saying it's the same thing bud. I don't expect you to understand or be okay with it."

"Good because I'm not and I never will be."

"I'm really sorry to put you this, I promise I will do my best to not put myself in danger again but I can't promise it won't for sure happen. Okay?"

"I don't really have a choice do I?"

"I'm afraid not bud," Henry said as he pulled his son down for a hug.

Sighing, Jason let himself relax into the embrace, his shoulder's slumping as a bit of resignation and calmness filled him as Henry's words sank in. "I need you to promise to come talk to me or your mother whenever you're worried."

"Okay."

Elizabeth walked into the living at that moment, "Aww look at my two favorite men."

"Mom," Jason groaned.

"Alright, I'll stop." She walked past them giving each a squeeze on the shoulder. "Who wants ice cream? Cause I gotta say I've been thinking about it all day."

 _A/N: I would love to hear what you all think of this._


End file.
